HOW TO RECOGNISE THAT CHANGE IS NECESSARY
How to realise that change is necessary with the help of a word from the Wilde, Oscar Wilde that is.
How to realise that change is necessary with the help of a word from the Wilde, Oscar Wilde that is.
Many years ago Oscar Wilde said "The aim of life is self development. To realise one`s nature perfectly - THAT is what each of us is here for". I couldn`t agree more which is why I started to work with people who want to realise their potential and to change their situation.
It may seem obvious but before anyone can change their life or situation they need to actually REALISE that change may be needed.
I can almost hear you saying `that`s ridiculous, it`s obvious that I need to change something`. On the surface I would agree with you but you must look deeper to seek out the REAL, unconscious reason(s) why change may be necessary. THAT is what I mean by REALISING that change is needed.
There are very few people who can say sincerely that they love every minute of every working day. That they wouldn`t change a thing. There are many surveys about working life in the Western world showing that workers are un-fulfilled or miserable at work.
Are YOU miserable at work? Ask yourself these questions, you may realise that they have been eating away at you but you haven`t been able to formally describe them in these terms;
ARE YOU; lacking direction, self-confidence or purpose in your life?
WANTING to change career. To start your own business but held back
by fears of `failure` or because you are unsure in which direction
to go?
FEELING that you are only going through the motions and just
drifting?
WANTING to change career. To start your own business but held back
by fears of `failure` or because you are unsure in which direction
to go?
FEELING that you are only going through the motions and just
drifting?
UNHAPPY with your appearance, want to stop smoking or lose weight?
IS a lack of support from friends, family or colleagues holding you
back?
Everyone has an `off` day but if you regularly experience one or more of the emotions described above then this is a good indication that your sub-conscious is trying to tell you something. Making you REALISE that something needs to change.
IS a lack of support from friends, family or colleagues holding you
back?
Everyone has an `off` day but if you regularly experience one or more of the emotions described above then this is a good indication that your sub-conscious is trying to tell you something. Making you REALISE that something needs to change.
Once you TRULY realise that something in your life is amiss you should ask yourself the following questions;
1) Draw up a list of five things or situations that you put up with at home but which annoy you.
2) Do the same for your job.
3) Everything has a flip side, a pay off which on the surface makes a situation tolerable. Do you completely understand YOUR flip side? For example, staying in a dead-end job might be sub-consciously protecting you from a fear of ridicule or failure if you change jobs and it doesn`t work out. How COULD you face people if it didn`t work out?
4) Understand what the mental cost will be if you DON`T do something about it, how will it affect you in the long run?
When you have completed the list, thought things through and fully understand the consequences you MUST take action. Now prioritise. Decide which item on your toleration list causes the most difficulty and DO something about it. Make a start on the rest of your life and eliminate it.
Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2008
1) Draw up a list of five things or situations that you put up with at home but which annoy you.
2) Do the same for your job.
3) Everything has a flip side, a pay off which on the surface makes a situation tolerable. Do you completely understand YOUR flip side? For example, staying in a dead-end job might be sub-consciously protecting you from a fear of ridicule or failure if you change jobs and it doesn`t work out. How COULD you face people if it didn`t work out?
4) Understand what the mental cost will be if you DON`T do something about it, how will it affect you in the long run?
When you have completed the list, thought things through and fully understand the consequences you MUST take action. Now prioritise. Decide which item on your toleration list causes the most difficulty and DO something about it. Make a start on the rest of your life and eliminate it.
Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2008
`WHO ARE YOU`
If I were a pc geek (no offence to geeks) or even slightly competent with a keyboard I would have overlaid the above title with the rock band The Who`s terrific track `Who Are You?` because it indirectly asks the fundamental question of just WHO are you?
WHO you are in yourself affects every aspect of how you live your life. It is SO important that I want you to consider some simple but important questions about yourself.
Are you wanting to change some aspect of your life or situation but are perhaps unsure where and how to begin? This is quite a common challenge. If you don`t know what you want to change how can you change it?
Achieving genuine, long term change requires not only determination but an understanding of the structure, the framework if you like, that you are trying to change. In other words WHO you are, your motives, personality, ambitions and WHY you think the way that you do.
Once you have a better understanding of what makes you tick then, and only then can you make lasting changes.
Some say, and there is an element of truth in it, that we are a product of our environment. If you are born with a silver spoon in your mouth then you will have a life of luxury. If you were brought up in a ghetto then you will always live in poverty. Generalisations like this always have a grain of truth in them but they are not set in stone and there are plenty of examples proving the theory wrong.
On the other hand, and I make no excuses for saying this time after time as a life coach, I firmly believe that we can all DO and BE more than we are now IF we truly want to. You just have to want it enough to achieve it. First of all though you have to know what `IT` is and IT stems from WHO you are.
Family, education and even nationality dictates and provides the basic building blocks of identity. Unless you have been brainwashed by the system you live in, we begin to develop as individuals as we mature. Maturity opens the window for change. If change is what you are looking for of course.
Bringing about positive, lasting change depends upon four elements;
1) REALISING that you want (or in fact need) change. (2) KNOWING where you want that change to take you. (3) Having the DETERMINATION to see the changes through, perhaps in the face of opposition from friends, family or colleagues who don`t want to `lose` the person they were comfortable with. That, by the way, is their problem NOT yours. (4) Having the CONFIDENCE to carry through the changes.
1) REALISING that you want (or in fact need) change. (2) KNOWING where you want that change to take you. (3) Having the DETERMINATION to see the changes through, perhaps in the face of opposition from friends, family or colleagues who don`t want to `lose` the person they were comfortable with. That, by the way, is their problem NOT yours. (4) Having the CONFIDENCE to carry through the changes.
IF you are looking to change something in your life start taking action right now. Start repeating the following phrase as often as possible until it embeds itself in your sub-conscious.
"It`s MY life. Only I can change it. I CAN DO THIS"
When you have embedded it in your sub-conscious then you will start to notice a difference in your approach to life. If you take nothing else away from this article take that and DO IT.
"It`s MY life. Only I can change it. I CAN DO THIS"
When you have embedded it in your sub-conscious then you will start to notice a difference in your approach to life. If you take nothing else away from this article take that and DO IT.
In the 1920s Henry Ford was addressing a meeting of middle managers during which he said;
"If you think you CAN, or you think you CAN`T, you are probably right"
If you think `I can`t do this` then you are defeated before you start.
Be positive and JUST DO IT.
Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2008
"If you think you CAN, or you think you CAN`T, you are probably right"
If you think `I can`t do this` then you are defeated before you start.
Be positive and JUST DO IT.
Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2008
EXACTLY WHAT SORT OF PERSON ARE YOU?
Two related questions to ask yourself.
A) Are you a farmer OR an old time gold prospector?
B) How does a mouse eat an elephant?
A) Are you a farmer OR an old time gold prospector?
B) How does a mouse eat an elephant?
You may think that these are strange questions to ask in a personal development context but bear with me and you`ll see where we are going with this. Imagine if you will a farmer behind a horse drawn plough gradually working his way up and down a field. He`s ploughing straight furrows to plant the seeds of a successful harvest. Up and down the field, no great rush to the job, working steadily but with purpose at the horse`s pace. The two of them working as a team.
At the end of each day, month and season he slowly builds on the foundations of what he has done previously. The ploughing is followed by the sowing. Next he tends the crop as it matures, protecting it now and then by weeding out harmful weeds that have sneaked into the prepared ground. Eventually, when the time is right, the crop is harvested for the benefit of the farmer, his family and of course the horse.
All of this is predictable. The farmer KNOWS that he cannot rush the process without affecting the result that he wants, the harvest. He also knows what the outcome WILL be, BEFORE HE STARTS THE WHOLE PROCESS, providing that he applies the system consistently in the same way. He knows that if he DOES this he WILL get that.
An old style Yukon gold prospector is always convinced that the very next drill hole or exploration shaft that he investigates will be the `big one`, the paydirt that means he will never have to work again. Just like many people in their day to day lives now.
When a borehole or shaft doesn`t come up with the goods he quickly becomes disillusioned. He doesn`t have the patience or the staying power for the longer haul. He moves on to the next big thing, the next location that promises to be the pot of gold at the end of his rainbow. He does this whatever his previous experiences of dabbling in this and that has told him.
When a borehole or shaft doesn`t come up with the goods he quickly becomes disillusioned. He doesn`t have the patience or the staying power for the longer haul. He moves on to the next big thing, the next location that promises to be the pot of gold at the end of his rainbow. He does this whatever his previous experiences of dabbling in this and that has told him.
Which of these two characters do you think is more likely to have a more stable and rewarding life, a more successful life?
Which of these two personalities are you most like?
Which of these two personalities are you most like?
The one who, step by step lays the foundations, the building blocks of their success and then and ONLY then begins to grow knowing that what they build will be secure and solid?
OR the person who has no patience and no staying power. The one who listens to every piece of second-hand, `sure fire` information but then ends up with nothing of real and tangible value?
This person may have the occasional good time along the way with one or two small successes but who, really, wants a life like that? Do you?
OR the person who has no patience and no staying power. The one who listens to every piece of second-hand, `sure fire` information but then ends up with nothing of real and tangible value?
This person may have the occasional good time along the way with one or two small successes but who, really, wants a life like that? Do you?
I accept that someone has to win the lottery and that some people hit paydirt but what a tiny percentage these people represent when compared to the number of successful individuals who take the longer route and begin with firm foundations.
Personal development is very much like the farmer who laid solid, real foundations before building his future. YOU are the farmer, the bricklayer of YOUR future.
Personal development is very much like the farmer who laid solid, real foundations before building his future. YOU are the farmer, the bricklayer of YOUR future.
PS I hadn`t forgotten the mouse and the elephant.
The mouse is very much like the farmer in that it took its time and ate the elephant bit by manageable bit until it had all gone.
Just like the farmer it knew that if it took its time it would succeed in its ambition. So can you my friend, so can you.
Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2008
The mouse is very much like the farmer in that it took its time and ate the elephant bit by manageable bit until it had all gone.
Just like the farmer it knew that if it took its time it would succeed in its ambition. So can you my friend, so can you.
Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2008
COMBATING ROAD RAGE - A SIX POINT PLAN - PART 1
Road Rage Syndrome is not new but is a common expression of the frustration felt by an irresponsible minority of drivers at the pressures of modern motoring.
It is increasingly being recognised that the layout, or design of many older roads is inadequate for present and future use. When these roads were built there was far less traffic which allowed more time for drivers to decide on a course of action and a much lower chance of colliding with another vehicle if they got it wrong.
It is increasingly being recognised that the layout, or design of many older roads is inadequate for present and future use. When these roads were built there was far less traffic which allowed more time for drivers to decide on a course of action and a much lower chance of colliding with another vehicle if they got it wrong.
What are now considered to be poor sight lines, hidden dips, junctions and other hazards were not recognised as such at the time of construction because the lower speeds of earlier vehicles provided a safety net.
It is true that speed, in the wrong situation, kills. If you drive round a bend faster than you can stop in the distance that you can see is clear then you are asking for trouble. It only needs a tractor, a cyclist or a broken down car to be in the blind area for someone to get hurt. It is no use saying, `that never happens` or `1`ve never come across that` because it could happen.
For you or some innocent third party it only needs to happen once.
It is true that speed, in the wrong situation, kills. If you drive round a bend faster than you can stop in the distance that you can see is clear then you are asking for trouble. It only needs a tractor, a cyclist or a broken down car to be in the blind area for someone to get hurt. It is no use saying, `that never happens` or `1`ve never come across that` because it could happen.
For you or some innocent third party it only needs to happen once.
As a driver you are responsible not only for the safety of yourself and your passengers, you must also ensure that your actions do not endanger other road users.
Fortunately advanced road engineering techniques are gradually eliminating many examples of dangerous road design. Huge advances have been made in safety in motor sport, particularly in Formula One and other types of circuit racing.
Many of these safety features have been incorporated into modern road car design. It is a strange truth that the safer cars become, the more accidents there are. Some of these accidents will, of course result from the increased number of cars but a significant number of collisions could be accounted for by the feeling of security generated by these advanced safety measures.
Fortunately advanced road engineering techniques are gradually eliminating many examples of dangerous road design. Huge advances have been made in safety in motor sport, particularly in Formula One and other types of circuit racing.
Many of these safety features have been incorporated into modern road car design. It is a strange truth that the safer cars become, the more accidents there are. Some of these accidents will, of course result from the increased number of cars but a significant number of collisions could be accounted for by the feeling of security generated by these advanced safety measures.
Some drivers see people emerge unscathed from horrendous crashes on the racetrack and seem to think that they can also take risks without coming to harm. This attitude is one of the founding fathers of Road Rage Syndrome because these drivers think that their car will protect them from the errors of their ways.
In an attempt to explore the causes of RRS and to suggest ways of avoiding it I have put together a six-point plan which will appear in the accompanying article
`Combating Road rage - A six point plan - part two`
Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2008
In an attempt to explore the causes of RRS and to suggest ways of avoiding it I have put together a six-point plan which will appear in the accompanying article
`Combating Road rage - A six point plan - part two`
Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2008
COMBATING ROAD RAGE - A SIX POINT PLAN - PART 2
Road Rage Syndrome Part 2 - THE CAUSES OF
1) ARROGANCE
Arrogant drivers are probably the worst perpetrators of RRS. These drivers feel that because they may have a bigger, better, more expensive car they should be in front of you, either on the road or at the traffic lights. Some of these drivers can be shamed into changing their behaviour but for most it is ingrained because they have got away with it for so long. The only answer to this category is prosecution coupled with enforced re-training in driver behaviour.
2) IGNORANCE
In some ways this type of driver`s behaviour is the easiest to understand and the simplest to change. Either through lack of training, sheer lack of interest in the technicalities of driving or a lack of understanding about the effects of their behaviour these drivers swan about the highway blissfully unaware of the havoc they cause. To these people, "everyone drives like that, don`t they?" Providing that they can be made aware of their shortcomings on the road this potentially dangerous personality can usually be re-trained fairly easily.
1) ARROGANCE
Arrogant drivers are probably the worst perpetrators of RRS. These drivers feel that because they may have a bigger, better, more expensive car they should be in front of you, either on the road or at the traffic lights. Some of these drivers can be shamed into changing their behaviour but for most it is ingrained because they have got away with it for so long. The only answer to this category is prosecution coupled with enforced re-training in driver behaviour.
2) IGNORANCE
In some ways this type of driver`s behaviour is the easiest to understand and the simplest to change. Either through lack of training, sheer lack of interest in the technicalities of driving or a lack of understanding about the effects of their behaviour these drivers swan about the highway blissfully unaware of the havoc they cause. To these people, "everyone drives like that, don`t they?" Providing that they can be made aware of their shortcomings on the road this potentially dangerous personality can usually be re-trained fairly easily.
3) IMPATIENCE
The impatient driver is almost as bad as the arrogant species as both traits are calculated and deliberate. They know that what they are doing is wrong and potentially dangerous but hey "you can always get out of their way!!"
In their minds their time is more important than yours of course so why can`t you also exceed the speed limit, close up that gap or overtake sooner so that he/she can come through? We all get impatient at times but most people have the maturity to hold this in check and would rather arrive late than risk not arriving at all.
The impatient driver is almost as bad as the arrogant species as both traits are calculated and deliberate. They know that what they are doing is wrong and potentially dangerous but hey "you can always get out of their way!!"
In their minds their time is more important than yours of course so why can`t you also exceed the speed limit, close up that gap or overtake sooner so that he/she can come through? We all get impatient at times but most people have the maturity to hold this in check and would rather arrive late than risk not arriving at all.
RRS - AVOID IT
4) REDUCE CONFRONTATION
Having consideration for other road users can reduce confrontation. Will it really cause a substantial delay in your journey to let that car out into a crawling traffic queue? Equally, when someone lets you out of a side turning into the traffic flow acknowledge the gesture with a thank you wave.
If a car wants or needs to enter the gap between you and the car in front ease off the pedal to increase the gap. Letting someone in doesn`t mean that you suddenly start going backwards or that someone has `done you over`.
`Other road users` also means cyclists, horse riders or, at some point, pedestrians. One act of consideration per driver per journey would make a huge difference.
4) REDUCE CONFRONTATION
Having consideration for other road users can reduce confrontation. Will it really cause a substantial delay in your journey to let that car out into a crawling traffic queue? Equally, when someone lets you out of a side turning into the traffic flow acknowledge the gesture with a thank you wave.
If a car wants or needs to enter the gap between you and the car in front ease off the pedal to increase the gap. Letting someone in doesn`t mean that you suddenly start going backwards or that someone has `done you over`.
`Other road users` also means cyclists, horse riders or, at some point, pedestrians. One act of consideration per driver per journey would make a huge difference.
5) TOLERATION
Accept that not everyone is as good a driver as you think you are. Recognising this and making allowances for the mistakes of others, instead of apportioning `blame`, will greatly reduce the stress of driving.
6) DELIBERATION.
By deliberation I mean being aware of what is going on around you. This will allow you to spot potentially dangerous situations developing.
Accept that not everyone is as good a driver as you think you are. Recognising this and making allowances for the mistakes of others, instead of apportioning `blame`, will greatly reduce the stress of driving.
6) DELIBERATION.
By deliberation I mean being aware of what is going on around you. This will allow you to spot potentially dangerous situations developing.
Mentally consider various situations and rehearse what actions you would take so that when such an incident occurs your reaction will be immediate, saving vital moments that could mean the difference between a near miss and calamity. Pilots rehearse their responses to every conceivable situation, why shouldn`t car drivers?
A driving licence is a privilege not a `right` as some opinions have it. We earn the privilege by passing a fairly minimal test, or benchmark and by tacitly agreeing to abide by the rules of the road as laid down in the Highway Code (in the UK).
By doing this we are all, at least in theory, working to the same blueprint. This privilege also carries responsibilities. Taking steps to reduce, or preferably eliminate RRS is a responsibility that all drivers share.
This is a large subject to cover in a small article. If I could sum up all of the above in a brief reminder it would probably be: Being `right` or `wrong` is no comfort to a crash victim. Look after you and yours by learning and practising defensive driving techniques. No one, except the police, has the power or authority to deal with RRS so why not avoid it in the first place? Drive safely, wherever you drive.
Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2008
A driving licence is a privilege not a `right` as some opinions have it. We earn the privilege by passing a fairly minimal test, or benchmark and by tacitly agreeing to abide by the rules of the road as laid down in the Highway Code (in the UK).
By doing this we are all, at least in theory, working to the same blueprint. This privilege also carries responsibilities. Taking steps to reduce, or preferably eliminate RRS is a responsibility that all drivers share.
This is a large subject to cover in a small article. If I could sum up all of the above in a brief reminder it would probably be: Being `right` or `wrong` is no comfort to a crash victim. Look after you and yours by learning and practising defensive driving techniques. No one, except the police, has the power or authority to deal with RRS so why not avoid it in the first place? Drive safely, wherever you drive.
Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2008